No, It's Your Fault

Michael Jordan will always hold a special place in my heart. I would watch every game he was in I could to see what he would do next. His career spanned the time I was a starry-eyed kindergartener until I was too stoned to go to all my classes on campus, yet he never lost my interest. My mother, raising 2 kids while putting herself through nursing school and ultimately in one of the toughest professions existing, saw this and tried to buy me "the new J's" every time they came out. I would sit in front of the TV (or if I was lucky, the nosebleeds at Market Square Arena) and marvel at his creativity, passion, and sheer ability. Can men fly? No, but Michael Jordan could.

Running is Bipolar

Running? That bitch is crazy! I see her out before the sun rises. I see her in the streets in the middle of the night. Sometimes, she even does her thing with a machine (if you know what I mean and I think you do)! Walking is cool. I can take her to lunch, take her home, even take her around my parents' neighborhood. Sometimes I'll even kick it with Elliptical...but Running? She breaks hearts all the time and leaves people for dead.

Can't Kick a Beetle in the Shin

I hoped this day would never come. Bob Knight is now a media whore. He was a much better coach than to get fired from Indiana. He just couldn't hold his shit together. He could have made stupid cash properly with fat contracts and endorsements based off his legend alone. But now he's tucked in between Dick and Digger; wearing ESPN sweaters while Dick spouts nicknames the Hooters girls gave him the night before and Digger pretends to be relevant. We'll see more of this in the future, where the General earns a living by poking fun at some of the very things which are preventing him from earning a living. Say it ain't so, Bobby. Say it ain't so.

Our Plastic Stuff is Better

Okay, so the song makes this ad. I would have no interest in plunking down $200+ for Nike's crapload of plastic if it weren't for badass Saul Williams belting out his "List of Demands." Now I want to run around my neighborhood wearing a 50 lb. vest and a parachute strapped to my back training for the massive riot I'm going to start later. So where's my neon green ski mask?

New to tha Game

Advertising fascinates me. Especially sports advertising. What companies come up with to push their products is amazing. Even more amazing are some of the things these companies will get our favorite athletes to do for money. So with little fanfare and much gayness, I present to you: Ad Insult to Injury

Gayness courtesy of Larry Brown Sports